The Drunken Pirates Guide To Las Vegapunk
by frenchverbs
Summary: Zoro, Sanji & Ussop don't wake up in their ship but rather in a random motel. And why is there a polar bear and an orange cowboy hat? Most importantly, where the hell is Luffy!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Don't own One Piece. Don't own Hangover either. Comma's are my enemies. Sorry I had to take the initial one down but after intensive reading I realised it was all but ready. Grrr. En-fucking-joy!  
**

* * *

"Sanji-kuuun."

"..."

"Uuuuhn."

"..."

"OH SANJI-KUN!"

"..."

"MORE SANJI-KUN!"

"Shhh.."

"SANJI!"

"Just a little further..."

"SANJI! SANJI!"

"Baby..."

"YOU FUCKING GAY BOY!"

"Eh?!"

"WAKE THE FUCK UP!"

Two pairs of eyelids shot open at the sudden reality of his dream. The first thing that came into his vision was a green blur.

Green.

Focusing, his eyes recognised the face attached to the stupid green blur.

Don't fucking tell me.

Looking at the green with bewildered eyes, Sanji finally attained his full vision, allowing his aching eyes to gulp in a heavy HD view of a drenched in sweat Zoro. Clarity.

Oh, he is so fucked.

Imitating a move that his captain was rather famous for, Sanji reared back his arm, pumping all the blood from his body..

Mostly from his dick.

FROM HIS WHOLE BODY.

Sanji rocketed a punch that was promptly delivered to the shit faced swordsman in front of him.

Swiftly dodging it, even though he was hangover'd rather severely, Zoro simply ducked the feeble punch which was redirected to an unsuspecting victim behind him

Fist meets nose.

A rather long nose.

A feeble punch for Zoro, was a Mike Tyson's uppercut for another. And so the poor long-nosed youth was kindly introduced to the hand that made his breakfast, lunch and supper.

"WHAT THE FUCK WAS THAT FOR!?"

"ASK THE SHIT HEAD IN FRONT OF YOU!"

"HOLY SHIT SOMEONE! SOMEONE COVER SANJI'S FACE!"

"WHAT? WHY?!"

"DO YOU REALISE WHAT YOUR EYEBROWS CAN DO TO A HANGOVER'D MAN!"

Exhaling from the come back before, Sanji realised that it wasn't worth it to continue playing this stupid two-player game and replied in an irritated murmur, "Fucking bastard." Looking around, he finally noticed his surroundings.

Watching the chef investigate the 4x4 metre piece of shit you call a room, the two fellow crew mates readied themselves for yet another fit.

Within these 3 seconds of scanning, Sanji noticed a few things about his surroundings.

_Stained wall. Stained wall. Another stained wall. A stained wall with half a human protruding. A beaten down bed. No covers. More stains. Dirty floor. Smelly floor. I slept on this floor. Fan. Not helping. Marimo sweating. Fridge. A fridge for an anorexic midget. A pot plant. Probably the only thing providing them with oxygen. Windows? Shut. Dirty. Keep them shut. Clothes? Not mine. Wait.. Nope not at all. Polar bear. Alright, okay. Holy shit! They can't survive in this environment! Windows! Oh. Oh right. Polar bear... Cowboy hat? Orange. Looks familiar..._

After the three excruciating seconds were up, Sanji finally concluded that this was not the Sunny.

_This isn't._

_Thousand Sunny._

_It's not._

_Where? Where the fuck am I._

_Somebody._

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE WE!?"

The two young males in front of him exhaled in relief, so he didn't know either. This didn't mean he wasn't going to put the blame on them anyway.

"We.. We don't know." Ussop answered, blankly staring at the stained white ceiling.

He got up only to grab his throbbing head which was seething in pain. "What's wrong?"

"Urgh." Fighting it, Ussop stood up anyway and painfully limped to the window, staring out through the dirt encrusted glass. Well, he tried to.

"We woke up here with a hangover from hell."

Sanji turned to face the swordsman to see if he had any useful input to say.

Nope.

_Oi! I didn't even get the chance to-_

_Shut up tennis ball!_

Zoro ignored the mental thoughts argument and joined Ussop by standing up and shuffling to the nearest wall to lean on.

"I just know we were with Luffy last night and he's nowhere to be seen. This island... I don't even remember coming here."

Sanji sighed and unconsciously reached for his pocket to pull out a cigarette but his hands seemed to slip right passed his bare chest and land on his wrapped up lap. _Hmmm._

"Put some fucking clothes on! Jeez, it's disgusting."

So the swordsman was right. He wasn't imagining it. He was naked. Holding back the urge to scream for his clothes whereabouts he realised it must've been the mistaken pile on the floor.

While the chef geared up, the other two decided to slowly open the shut doors of their brain and tread carefully and ever so gently over their now sensitive membranes, making sure they wouldn't wake up the sleeping migraine.

They both stared at the fourth visitor. It's a shame. It looked like he was only halfway.

Ahaha.

Not funny.

Doesn't even make sense.

"Who's.. That?"

Noticing the two pigeons for crew mates, Sanji looked up at the body.

"Ain't that Luffy?"

"Definitely not."

Sanji examined.

"Pull him out dumbass."

"I ain't touching it! You do it!"

It was too late for Zoro. His battle against his now wide awake migraine had commenced as he sauntered towards the body and pulled it by the drooping legs. It easily popped out with no resistance or stretching. _Not rubber. Not Luffy. Stupid cook._

Dropping it to the floor, the three examined it.

Pause.

No.

Anyone but him.

Aokiji.

Ao-fucking-kiji.

The three Strawhats towered over the unconscious Admiral, stunned as if a poacher had shot a tranquilizer up their asses.

Instinctively, Zoro clutched the side of his abdomen, hoping that his three closest friends would be there, waiting to be sheathed but tragically, it seemed they went awol on him this time.

_Shit. Where the hell are my swords?_

Zoro did a split second glance around the room and to his dismay, found nothing.

He went straight back to staring, exactly what the other two stunned figures were doing.

A good few seconds went by and no movement came from the lifeless body.

"Is.. He dead?"

"Don't be stupid. Ofcourse not."

"Sure looks like it."

Confidently, Sanji tapped the side of the white suede leg and immediately jumped back after doing so.

The other two safely distanced themselves...

They waited...

Closely watching...

To see his reaction...

This was life or death...

"Uhmm... Excuse me?"

All three Strawhats jumped in unison with the main star, Ussop, letting out the chorus of their fright.

The noise came from the corner of the room.

From the huge wildlife that they somehow had forgotten about.

How do you forget about the fucking polar bear? Seriously.

Never mind that, he spoke!

This realisation all swiftly happened within the jump all three men initiated after their scare.

3..  
2..  
1..

"WHAT THE HECK!"

"YOU GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK!"

"WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU!"

"MY HEART!"

"IT SPOKE!"

"OMG MY HEART!"

"NO ONE CARES ABOUT YOUR STUPID ASS HEART!"

"YOU WOULDN'T KNOW HOW IT FEELS TO HAVE ONE!"

"DON'T CARE, YOU GAY COOK!"

"SAYS THE GUY THAT WANTS TO SCREW PUSSY-EYES MIHAWK!"

Before Zoro could even rip apart at Sanji, the now, yet again, forgotten-about bear had summoned up the courage to speak up and started to apologise profusely.

Without a pause, there was silence apart from the bear who was still proving his innocence.

Realising their outbursts, the three-man crew promptly told the bear to shut the hell up and darted their eyes to the lifeless Admiral. Still lifeless. Relief.

"Oi. Bear."

"Heh?"

"Tell us everything you know. Last night. Now."

The bear was silent for a few moments, building up the tension in the air to the point where you could take Zoro's swords and slice a nice, fat piece of it and spread some butter over the edges before serving it with a nice ass cup of tea.

Shut up.

Why.

Cause you ain't Sanji.

"Oi, bea-"

"All I can remember was that we met you and your Strawhat captain and right after, green hair started going berserk causing swirly to respond and nose followed shortly after. I don't know about your cap'tn'. I woke up here, before you guys."

The three took a while to let it sink in.

"Great. So this is all your fault." Ussop said, directing it to Zoro and Sanji's direction.

The two would've initiated a full-out argument about whose fault it really was but it seemed all the shouting was taking a toll on their heads and without hesitation, Sanji asked, "Where are we?"

"Las Vegapunk."

"The hell?"

"An island made by the genius himself. Vegapunk. It's the worlds biggest gambling and entertainment island. With the newest technology. Any pirates dream destination."

"Shit. I'm guessing we got pretty fucked last night."

"But, I don't remember anchoring here?"

"No one anchors. This island is strictly VIP. Only World Nobles and relevant people may enjoy."

"Then how.."

"Pirates are friends with everyone. You must've gotten a lift with someone."

"A lift?"

"Yeah. The only way to get here are underwater vessels. They're really fast. Can get you here in seconds. The island you were last closest to probably had tunnels nearby."

Wow. This bear was useful.

"And you are?"

"Bepo. First mate of the Heart Pirates!"

The bear..

Bepo.

I mean Bepo, proceeded to stand up and salute his imaginary crew. What honour.

Standing up though, caused three long pieces of metal to crash down on to the floor but with the bears good reflexes, he managed to catch them in mid fall.

"My swords!" Zoro suddenly appeared next to the bears-

Bepo.

-Bepo's side, causing him to have a mini heart attack and drop the swords which Zoro proceeded to catch.

"Gomennasai!"

A sudden grey cloud somehow appeared above Bepo's fluffy head, leaving a gloomy atmosphere in the room. Ofcourse, not being used to it, the three amigos-  
What? No. -the three crew mates ignored it.

"We better vacate before he wakes up." Finally Ussop said something that made sense.

"Bear, you're coming with us, you seem useful."

"Its Bepo." Bepo reminded them, he had no choice but to join them in this meaningless adventure, besides, he needed to find his crew too.

All four pirates stared at their surroundings, looking for any evidence that might give them a clue about the night before, nothing but an orange cowboy hat and an unconcious Admiral seemed out-of-place.

Walking towards the hat, Zoro picked it up and turned to the other three. Without even mentioning anything, Sanji commented on it. "Looks familiar doesn't it."

Staring more intently at the hat, it became more and more familiar.

Ussop squinted at it. _Where the hell have I seen that before?_ Images of a shadowed figure crowded his mind. Flames. Cheeky smile. Luffy's laugh? Who in the world.. _Come on! Think harder!_

Before he knew it, Ussop was now in the foetal position trying to claw out who the hell it was in his exhausted brain. The three others watched, slightly worried about their crew mate.

"Oi-"

_REALISATION!_

Finally colour flooded his youthful brain and a face quickly filled in the shadowed figure.

"Luffy!"

"Luffy?"

"His cool ass brother!"

"Brother?"

Sanji stroked his hairy chin, deep in thought before his eyes suddenly lit up in discovery. "Ace, wasn't it?!"

"Ace?"

"Don't you remember him, Marimo?"

"..."

Sanji let out an irritated sigh.

"Who cares."

"I wonder why he was with us..."

"Ace?"

The three flinched in shock only to realise it was the silenced bear who spoke up again.

"You couldn't mean... Fire Fist?"

"Does it matter?"

"Well.."

The three stared at him, waiting to hear a good enough answer.

"Not at all."

A wonderfully synchronised sigh followed and Zoro tossed the hat at the bear. Bepo. Yeah, yeah.

"Matches you."

Bepo looked completely dumbfounded until realising he was too, wearing a bright orange jump suit.

"So now we know, Luffy must be with him."

"I wouldn't bet on it." Bepo commented, tightening his clutch on the hat. "A Whitebeard commander in Las Vegapunk could literally spell out disaster. My crew always envied how the Whitebeards let loose. They probably screwed with your cap'tn even more."

Fear flooded into the green-haired first mates eyes.

Haha!

You could've said Zoro!

Ussop professionally rubbed his temples, about to say something but then started to enjoy his mini massage that felt as if his fingers took the form of a greek goddess who carefully drew out the pounding agony in his head.

Sanji furrowed his eyes at his weird crew mate and then reached into his pocket, something had been irritated his thigh for quite a while now. Not expecting anything, his fingers brushed against something unfamiliar.

"Oi! Check your pockets! There might be clues!"

All three started rummaging through their pockets and pulled out what had been lurking in there.

Bepo stated he had nothing at all in his.

Sanji opened his fist first. Lipstick. 3 tubes of lipstick and a note. A note?

'_Call me xxx'_

Sanji blushed, at least he got some 'ass' last night.

Zoro rolled his eyes and stared at the palm of his hand.

Oh. My.

Sanji opened his already gaping mouth, about to scream with laughter.

Zoro just stood there.

What.

* * *

Yeah? How was it?! Guess you'll have to wait and find out what was in Mr. Bushido's haaand...

I hope I don't confuse you guys between the characters real thoughts and those silly little in between moments, I tried to italic the thoughts that are part of the story but it's really hard idk but on another note...

**THANKS FOR READING YOU KIND MOTHERFUCKERS**

And yes, hangover'd is a real word according to me.

-frenchy


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Wow! You guys. Staaaahp! Thank you so much for the the precious reviews! That little pop up sign that says _"the author would like to thank you for reviewing"_ I do fucking thank you! To lunamirrior especially... that was the sweetest fucking thing anyone has ever written to me xD thank you, kind friend! Yes you will find out what is in Zoro's hand. No I don't know the marimo is angry and the girls? I love them to bits but I've decided to centre this fic around my favourite guy characters. And I totally agree on the grammar.. it's just.. a must! Anyway, en-fucking-joy this chap! **

* * *

Zoro stood there. Shaking. Shaking with horror. Embarrassment. Shaking at the fact that all his manhood was draining from his body and slipping right out the beaten door.

_Someone. Save me._

Right there, in the middle of his palm was a neatly wrapped condom. It wouldn't have meant nothing big. Like, Zoro could get pussy if he wanted to. It was the fact that there was something written ON the wrapper.

_Last night was incredible -_  
_xx Mihawk_

Not only that. The wrapper. It was empty.

Sanji was now gradually descending towards the floor, wheezing from laughter, clutching on to Bepo's bear leg as he used his other arm to squeeze his abdomen that was in immense pain.

Zoro could feel the blood heat up in his face. Furious, he scrunched up the purple foil and flung it in the direction of the sleeping admiral, landing a millimetre in front of his nose.

All of them froze. Well, Sanji did.

"You- you stupi-"

Sanji collapsed this time.

"Get a life!"

Ignoring Sanji's fit of laughter and the surprising fact of Zoro's sexuality-

Oi! It's all a misunderstanding! I don't remember anything of that sort! Let alone meeting him!

How could you forget the fact that you got fucked in the ass!?

As I was saying…

Ignoring Sanji's fit of laughter and the surprising fact of Zoro's sexuality, Ussop looked at the palm of his hand. Studying it for long, Bepo joined his concentration, trying to decipher what it could be.

_A blue feather? That's the most random thing ever._

Zoro noticed that the other two were silent and slowly followed Bepo's eyes. _A blue feather?_

"Oi Bear, do you have a bird in your crew too?"

Angry at the fact that Zoro slightly dissed his crew, Bepo summoned his courage to rant till there was no tomorrow.

"Of course not!"

Sanji's attention was finally caught and all three Strawhats looked at the angered wildlife.

"My Captain would never let a bird join! My Captain is strong and doesn't need anymore animals on his crew! In fact, _MY_ Captain must be searching for _ME_! In fact, he must be right outside!"

**Knock knock.**

All four turned to face the door.

**Knock knock motherfucker!**

Bepo's face lit up. Could it be? Was this his amazing Captain? His Captain actually looked for him! So he wasn't going to stay with these three freaks of nature after all!

The Strawhats watched Bepo's face fill with all sorts of emotions. Bit like a movie.

The knocking didn't stop though. In fact, it slowly evolved into a banging.

**Bang bang motherfucker!**

Bepo took a paw forward only to be stopped by an unfamiliar voice on the other end.

"OPEN UP! WE KNOW YOU HAVE ADMIRAL AOKIJI WITH YOU! OPEN UP YOU DIRTY BASTARDS!"

"Sounds like marines to me."

Zoro turned to face the bear. "Your captain a marine?" How blunt.

Before Bepo could retaliate, the lifeless body that decorated the room, started to move ever so slightly.

Oh they were so fucked.

Without a second of hesitation, Zoro muttered the words, "Fuck this." And proceeded to slam the end of one of his katana on to the glass window, letting it shatter, sending splints everywhere.

"The hell was that for!?"

The other three suddenly realised that the admiral was slowly starting to regain consciousness.

Fuuuuck.

Zoro stepped out the now jagged edged frame, looking down and out of the window, quite a jump I must say.  
"I don't know about you dumbasses but I do not plan on being turned into ice anytime soon."

"Shit." Sanji pushed past the swordsman and gracefully fell to his death.

Kidding.

Gracefully, he landed a few storeys down into a rather narrow alley. A summary of the surroundings not available due to the fact that it was too distant for my poor eyes.

Zoro waited for the other two cowards but sighed, taking it as an answer that they indeed, wanted to get their asses frozen, and jumped. Bepo gulped, paused and carefully tip toed his way past the shards of glass scattered across the floor.

Trying to make sense of what was happening, he concluded that his almighty captain had just gotten lost and was still looking for his first mate.

And a bi-i-i-i-i-g bear jump.

Ussop was the last one. Standing at the jagged edge frame, he could make out that his crew mates and bear were waiting for him.

"COME ON!"

"HURRY UP DUMBASS!"

The three stared at the man who looked as if he were on a cover of a suicidal brochure, waiting in anxiety.

The admiral was now slowly getting up, rubbing his eyes, not fully aware of his surroundings yet. The bangs from the beaten door seemed to make it worst and now Ussop's heartbeat was matched with the constant banging.

Breathing in and closing his eyes, Ussop leaped forward. He didn't know how he was going to land. He just knew he his nakama were down there and there was no way they would allow him to die. A smile crept onto the descending youths face.

**BAM.**

BAM from both sides.

BAM from the door now lying on the filthy floor of the apartment from the absolute beating it received.

BAM from Ussop's face meeting the wet alley way tar. Nice friends they are.

Grabbing onto their crew mates hand, all four wanted pirates made a run for it, infusing into the bustling crowd in the streets.

* * *

"Hmmm?"

A bright purple wrapper glinted at the admiral. Not paying attention to the other flea-like marines running about the mini apartment as if the pirates had hidden behind the pot plant.

Kiji slowly unwrapped the foil-

Kiji?

Yeah, sounds cute right?

Slowly unwrapping the foil, unaware of what it was, he was met with a carefully written note.

_Last night was incredible -_  
_xx Mihawk_

In all honesty, I do not know how an admiral could possibly react to this so, taking a stab in the dark, Kiji rather maturely scrunched up the wrapper and gave it to a nearby jumping marine.

Not asking any questions, the flea took the thrust evidence and hopped to wherever he came from.

Kiji massaged his throbbing forehead. _Mihawk huh?_ Looking around at the shabby place, he sighed and walked out into the corridor. _He could've at least gotten a nicer suite.  
_

* * *

Holy shit, how annoying are these horizontal lines!? It's been working on my tits since 4pm.

Anyway, hands up who would like some Ace and Law and possibly other cuties in the next cha-a-a-a-a-p? I know I do!

**THANKS FOR READING YOU KIND MOTHERFUCKERS!**

-frenchy


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I mean, I'm not being rude or anything but even the stories with the shittiest grammar have more love D: OH WELL. To lunamirrior, did you hack my computer or something? How do you know whats up?! Sadly, a special someone will be making an appearance in the mini chap. Sorry for the lack of words bu-u-u-t en-fucking-joy!**

* * *

"Captain! Captain!"

A familiar first mates scream echoed in the said captains head.

Closing his eyes, the Captain of the Heart Pirates swished the de café in his mouth, blocking out his surroundings and trying to silence the screams of the annoying bear.

Getting up, he quickly strutted to the open balcony and leaned against the railing, his back to the shitty-fied suite behind him, not even taking a second look at the scene.

Oh what a beautiful view it was outside.

Despite it being early sunrise, the atmosphere outside was still bustling. The hotel was situated in the middle of oddly shaped buildings that were adorned with signature mascots on the roofs. The streets were still crammed with half-fucked people, barely able to walk up straight, girls falling over as they were escorted out of the closing 'night' clubs. An odd few seemed to be in a corner, vomiting out the contents from the night before.

_Eugh._

Not giving a single shit about flashing the world with his bright yellow undies, Law took another sip of his coffee, lunged his crotch towards the railing and protruded his ass out.

A dance.

A dance as if to show how many fucks he gave.

Wow.

It looked rather like he was humping Las Vegapunk, making it his bitch. Which he probably did, last night.

Enjoying his little dance, Law made the mistake of forgetting about his surroundings. Ahhh, silly boy.

A wolf whistle echoed the room, catching the dancing doctors attention, nearly having him spray out his oh-so-good coffee.

Not wanting to turn around and face the embarrassment, not at all, Law just proceeded to: Groan, sip the coffee and enjoy the view. "" Of course.

He was soon joined by an unfamiliar crew mate.

_Wait a second..._

_Wait a damn ass second..._

_ARE YOU TELLING ME THOSE THREE PASSED OUT BODIES IN THERE AREN'T MY CREW!?_

This caused Law's head to ring, he then proceeded to mentally scold himself for mentally shouting to himself.

Slowly moving his pupils to the edge of his heavy-duty bagged eyes, he soon recognised that stupid face.

Who could not?

Stupid black messy hair, that not-a-single-fuck-given smile and those damn freckles that could tempt any pirate in the who-knows-how-many seas, to play connect the dots with.

Educated at the fact that Fire Fist was a rather barely dressed man, Law couldn't help but notice that this man was wearing less clothes than usual. Immediately after this realisation, Law darted his eyes down to prove if his hypothesis was correct.

It indeed was.

Hanging like there was no tomorrow, slightly moving with the breeze was the Mini Fire Fist? Fire... I honestly have nothing...

His dick was on fire-e-e and it definitely wasn't a match stick, I can tell you that.

Before it got any weirder to stare at Fire Fist's dick, Trafalgar darted his eyes back to eye-level.

_So to get this utterly straight as possible. He, Trafalgar Law, the Surgeon of Death, was standing next to the naked Portgas D. Ace, on a balcony, forgetting the fact that he was too, half nude holding a great cup of coffee and enjoying the momentary view?_

_Riiight. Thanks._

No problemo.

Another sip of coffee was in order as a reward.

None of the two pirates spoke but for some reason... It wasn't awkward at all. No, awkwardness had passed a long time ago along with her friend decency.

"So do you-"

Trafalgar gazed at the man next to him as he spoke up but was immediately interrupted by a voice behind them.

"Well ain't that a nice view!"

_Please. Please._

_PLEASE don't tell me that behind us is none-other than the 1st division commander, Marco the Phoenix of the Whitebeard Pirates. Please don't tell me that._

It was the 1st division commander, Marco the Phoenix of the Whitebeard Pirates.

Law mentally cringed as a tear of _'kill me now'_ dripped down his cheek but was brought straight back to reality when a laugh was heard next to him, "Hah, ain't it?"

So here was Marco. He had just woken up surprisingly after the Fire Fist. Head pounding like hell. Greeted by two perfectly shaped asses. One sadly covered by, actually, nice yellow underwear and what looked like little red kisses that lined the black elastic and a naked ass that adorned the missing freckle that no one was supposed to know about.

Ahhh fuck! How could I forget!

Hahaha. Nice ass Ace.

The most wanted in all the seas, thank you very much.

Closing his eyes, Marco grabbed what seemed to be his garments and changed in a flash.

Walking towards the balcony to stand next to the other side of the Death Surgeon who was still hiding his embarrassment by taking sips of his beverage, Marco breathed in the morning air.

"Boy would I like to know how fucked were we to land a whole submarine in this suite behind us."

Coffee mug meets the balcony floor.

* * *

Well this is embarrassing... I didn't realise the chapter would be so short cause I wrote it on my phone cause fuck the fucks given.

Anyway, next chapter will be a long hybrid fusion-dragon-ball-gt-kai-z chapter so wait.

**THANKS FOR READING YOU KIND MOTHERFUCKERS**

-frenchy

(p.s there won't actually be dragonball in the next chapter... Just making sure)

(p.p.s you gotta try dancing with Law sometime, its fucking fun. Fucker can dance)


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: This chap focuses on both hangover'd parties ^^ en-fucking-joy!**

**ztenshi104 yeah, there are. hold your damn horses!**

**Readers being all telepathic n' shit. **

**Who likes Pokémon?**

* * *

"Can- can we just stop for- a sec-ond!?"  
Ussop abruptly stopped in his tracks allowing the un-phased polar bear behind him to bump into him, sending them tumbling down like Jack and Jill.

"We don't have any time to! There's marines swarming all over the place!"

Sanji too, was out of breath and sweating like a teenage boy.

Hehe.

Oi!

Realising the fact that he took his attention off Zoro, who was surprisingly leading the pack because apparently that was the only way they wouldn't lose him which makes total sense, Sanji looked forward, searching for the green lawn of hair.

Ah, spotted.

Grabbing the fallen crew mate, Sanji dashed forward towards the swordsman and proceeded to push him towards the nearest store.

"WHY!"

"JUST SHUT UP!"

Slamming the doors open, the four pirates realised their rude intrusion in front of the few people enjoying their breakfast, they then nonchalantly proceeded to the far table near the back.

"We can't keep running forever. We need a plan."

All four nodded.

"Now think. Nobody remembers last night AT ALL?"

All four sighed.

Ussop picked up the menu and began what he thought, would be useful.

"Let's go way back to what we remember LAST?"

Sanji nodded, "Obviously we were on the Sunny. I... I was cooking wasn't I?"

He slammed his head on to the table causing the set out cutlery to jump up and create a mini instrumental.

All four pirates sat in silence trying to claw out any recent memories.

Holding his temple, Zoro actually had some useful input to say. Well, what seemed to be.

"Crimaney Barnes."

"Eh?"

"Chimney Bark."

"What the fuck are you trying to say, man?"

"Cr.. Crrrr.."

"Goodness, the moss head has gone insane."

"Cruel-Man's Beach?"

Ussop and Sanji lit up and looked towards the direction of Bepo.

"That sounds awfully familiar.."

"Of course it does! We were there last! How could I forget?!" Sanji proceeded to literally face palm himself.

"You probably were, that's the closest place near here, but why would you guys visit that island?"

"What's wrong with it?"

"It's what the name states."

"Cruel-Man's Beach!"

Let's have a round of applause to Zoro who managed to figure out the name all by his little old self.

Shut up!

Completely ignoring the swordsman, the other two gave their full attention to Bepo.

"Well, from what I heard, that place is famous for the best sake. Pirates from all around crowd the area to get a taste, of course, the place isn't as plush as you'd expect. Crime, fights all you can imagine. Not even marines dare to anchor nearby. If you ain't strong, you'll get killed and thrown on to the filthy sand to be on display to the rest of the world. Cruel-Man's Beach."

"And how do you know so much?"

"Coincidentally, we anchored there too."

"So that makes you more of an idiot as we were!"

Silence.

"I'm taking a stab in the dark here but.."

"But?"

"I'm assuming since that place has the best sake.."

"And there's no marines..."

"And I'm not trying to brag here but, we are pretty strong aren't we?"

The other three nodded in approval.

"Then we must've gotten fucked or something and landed up here?"

"Ahhh!" Ussop hit his fist onto the palm of his hand. Apparently that was the universal sign of '_Well fuck me! Now it makes sense!_'

Sanji smirked, finally they were getting somewhere.

"Well, if we are here then we shouldn't just worry about Luffy gone, what about the others?"

Sanji's smirk evolved into the most ghostly face you could imagine. And holy shit was it ghostly.

"Na-Na-Na-"

"Oh shit."

"Ro-Ro-Ro"

"Guys, prepare yourselves!"

Ussop and Zoro proceeded to cover their ears and duck their heads, leaving the overly sensitive polar bear to wonder about in confusion.

3..  
2..  
1..

"WHERE THE FUCK ARE NAMI-SWAN AND ROBIN-CHWAAAAAAN!?"

The whole bar silenced as the disoriented chef ranted at the far back table with three other victims with their heads down.

"Gad! When is it going to end?!"

"This is just the chorus, that lover boy ain't finish just yet."

And Zoro was so right.

The three of them, no, the whole bar, sat there for a good few minutes listening to the screams and rants of the chef in the corner.

"Aahh.. Ahhh.. Nami-swah..nn.. Ro-robi..nn-chwan-eh.."

"Ya done?"

Catching his breath, Sanji took a sip of that much needed orange juice beside him and allowed it to seep through his dry, cracked throat that was violated and hacked at by the sake he must of downed which caused him to blurt out, "If we got screwed by sake, I wonder how screwed this idiot got!" His finger pointed in the direction of Zoro.

Zoro was about to let out a sigh at the fact that swirly forgot-

"Oh wait! He did get screwed!"

"Ya damn cook!"

Not even bothering to reply, Sanji burst out laughing, completely forgetting about his lost crew mates and leaving a muttering Zoro pin his head onto the table top. It was during this commotion, Bepo's ears pricked up.

Noticing, Ussop queried. "Somethin' up?"

No reply.

Raised eyebrow.

No reply.

Ignore?

Yeah, you should. You look stupid.

Still ignoring Ussop, Bepo kept his gaze on two figures briskly chatting about the hot topic of the morning.

"I don't even know how they managed to get it in there but holy shit."

"The place is stuffed! Half the building's gone!"

"What disturbs me is how the surrounding buildings are untouched."

"The mystery of the yellow submarine…"

"Damn pirates."

And those exact words were what caught the bear's full attention.

"Hey! You guys!"

Startled at the talking bear, the two men stood in silence as they tried to make sense of the talking mammal.  
_Was it too early in the morning? Did they get enough sleep? Who was that female that was lying next to me? I wonder where my wife is?_

"Tell me, please, everything you know."

A synchronised exhale followed, preceded by a very long explanation.

* * *

"What should we do!? He's been trembling ever since you said that!"

"We need a doctor in here."

"Yeah, if we had a front door. In case you haven't noticed but... There's a fucking submarine in the way?!"

"Calm down. I'm sure he'll stop."

"He's scaring me."

"Are you not scared of the other unconscious body lying over there?"

Ace froze. There was another body?

What.

Turning oh so very slowly, he finally got a good view of the scene behind him, something he was trying to put off for a while now.

Along with the fully broken building and half a submarine protruding, accompanied by an orchestra of broken pipes shooting water left, right and centre as if it had just learnt the move hydro pump, chunks of the wallpaper wall which was now stripped down to bricks scattered around, furniture completely destroyed apart from: a counter top and said before, coffee machine, two mattresses and a perfectly-placed-in-the-middle-of-the-warzone chair.

Half on and half off one of the said mattresses was an unrecognisable body. Completely drenched in water all because of the pipe right above it which was spewing water as if it was Squirtle, the body lay silent. Scaring-ly silent.

"Shit! He's bleeding!"

Rushing over like a mother who had just witnessed her only son fall off his bike into a crater of lava, Ace zoomed next to the unconscious body's side, just in time before the pipe evolved into Blastoise.

After careful analysis, Ace concluded, "False alarm. His hair is just shit red."

"Shanks?"

"Don't we all wish?"

Standing up, he shrugged, totally keeping cool and forgetting the scene around him.

Law had stopped trembling now.

"Hey! He stopped."

Sighing from the exhaustion his trembling had caused, Law closed his eyes, cleared his mind and... turned around.

Big mistake.

Once fully three sixty, Law opened his brown eyelids and gulped in the array of destruction in front of him.

"Ah, there he goes again."

The trembling had started yet again. It looked as if he was on vibrate and was left to be unanswered. Someone, reject that call!

Shaking his pounding head, Marco took a seat on the balcony floor, feet dangling dangerously through the railing. Ace followed right after and like a sweet puppy, sat underneath the vibrating Law and next to the pissed Marco.

Silence?

Marco was thinking.

Better leave him alone.

I guess I'll play with this guy then.

Allowing his eyes to scan the half-naked body up and down, Ace started to become jealous._ Why did this guy get to be in his underwear and I had to dress? Those are pretty nice underwear though... Mm, I like yellow._

Yeah, no shit.

Ace now focused on the tanned man's legs simply because his head started to hurt from looking up all the time, he admired the olive skin tone and subtly toned calves. How cute. Ace chuckled to himself, slapping his own bulging calves. Everything of his bulged. Mm.

Content at his self-compliment, Ace continued to slap his leg, smiling like a retard. The constant slapping sound caught Marcos attention and caused him to turn around and glare at the illiterate idiot.

"Ahh.. Hahaha, sorry."

Turning back around, Marco went back to who knows what he was trying to think about.

Zoning out onto his crew mates oddly shaped hair, Ace slid his eyes back over to his patient who was still trembling but much more slowly now as if his battery was running out...

Blush.

What did you see?

Oh.. My..

What?! What!?

I.. I.. That..

Ace.. C'mon.. Tell us..

"THOSE ARE THEE CUTEST FUCKING TOES I'VE EVER SEEN!"

Attention was caught! It was super effective!

Marco and the now confused Law stared at the puppy on the floor, blushing profusely at the Captain of The Heart Pirates' toes.

Yeah, so there you have it ladies, Ace loves toes. Trafalgar Law toes.

"What the hell are you doing?" Law grimaced at the cheerful commander.

Squealing like a teenage girl at the fact that Law's toes reacted to the attention and clenched up a little bit, Ace looked up, gleaming eyes and with the stupidest smile, "The D.E.A.T.H tattoo on each toe is the best touch."

Mega blush. It was Law this time.

"Oi, why are you blushing?"

"Haha! Look Marco! It looks so cool!"

"Mm, it is quite stylish." Marco evaded the rest of the conversation and went straight back to staring at the city line.

"Stop it!" Law started to hop up and down, making it harder for Ace to stare. Well to make him stop staring.

"No! Stop! Stop moving!" Ace grabbed onto Laws dancing legs causing Law to lose balance and fall backwards, head crashing onto the vertical railing.

Ouch.

Ace was satisfied yet again as he giggled at the spaced out toes, crying out at the pain that zoomed from the head all the way to the tips.

He let go of the harassed man's legs, enabling Law to sit up in his position and rub his aching, seething head. Concussion at the least.

"Do me a favour and never wear shoes again." And with that, Ace concluded this weird fan girl moment.

"Do your heads not hurt at all!?"

The two riff raff pirate's attentions were caught at the blazing first division commander who had the blankest expression ever.

"I mean, I've drank a lot in the past. Way more than I can handle. But not once, not once have I ever woken up to such a migraine."

"Now that you mention it..." Ace grabbed a tuft of unruly black hair and massaged his throbbing scalp. "I've kinda been ignoring it."

The two Whitebeards looked at Law who was still rubbing the back of his, probably bruised, head. "Well of course! How do you think I feel after this freak sent me falling."

"Blame your toes."

"Shut the hell up! What kind of pervert are you?!"

"Well I never!"

"Never what? Huh? Huh?"

"You guys…" Marco's headache growled from its cage.

Completely ignoring the growls, "I've never come across someone so ungrateful!" Ace looked serious. Dude. Come on.

"For what?!"

"For your toes!"

"There you go again!"

"I'm sorry! They're just... AWWW MARCO LOOK AT THEM!"

"YOU SEE!"

"WILL YOU GUYS SHUT THE FUCK UP!?"

Both pirates shot their glances at Marco who was sitting rather silently.

"Wasn't me."

All three slowly manoeuvred their necks in the direction of the suite.

Soaking, steaming, scowling, one of many s-worded words used to describe the state of which this unfortunate person was in.

"Well look who's finally awake."

"Morning sunshine!"

Law smirked.

"Tch," getting up from his place, fortunately he was clothed in some way, "Who was the fucker that did this?"

Shifting his pants down to his crotch area was a boldly printed message that looked strangely permanent,

**_You're mine, Eustass-ya._**

* * *

Oooh, shit's getting reeeeaal... I don't really have much to say. Kinda gonna sorta wing the next useless chap.

**THANKS FOR READING YOU KIND MOTHERFUCKERS****  
**

-frenchy


End file.
